Birth Stories

NEW mother TRACY WHITBREAD found that expressing her 'birth story' has helped her come to terms with negative feelings surrounding the experience. Now she wants to help other mothers find the same contentment.

GIVING birth to a child is the most extraordinary 'ordinary' thing that can happen to a woman. There is nothing unusual about giving birth - everyday, all over the world, babies are being born. Yet when I gave birth to my first child in February this year, nothing could have prepared me for the experience of the birth itself or the feelings that came afterwards.

I thought during my pregnancy that when I gave birth I would instantly love my baby and feel an abundance of maternal feelings. The reality was that I felt terrified of this new little person, and also incredible grief over the loss of my freedom. In fact, I thought that I had made a terrible mistake in deciding to have a baby and, as a result, I plunged into a deep depression.

Six months on, I adore my little boy and cherish each moment I spend with him. Out of my turmoil and fear has arisen beautiful, blissful moments of togetherness with my baby, and a contentment I've never experienced before.

Looking back I now realise I was traumatised by the birth, which in my eyes was a terrible experience because I had wanted a home birth and I ended up in hospital wired to numerous machines and unable to move around as I had wanted. I felt taken over and out of control.

In the busy 24-hour, seven-days-a-week job of looking after a new-born baby, I did not have time to process the experience or heal myself physically or emotionally.

In the book 'Women Who Run with the Wolves', by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, she describes the process of creating life:
"It is because of the new burst of life that a woman's life seems to stumble too near the edge, and jumps right into the abyss. But this time, the love of the.old Wild Self will sustain her as never before."

I felt after giving birth that there was so little to support or nurture me as a new mother. I felt isolated in my home in rural Devon and, being relatively new to the South West, with few support networks and no family to help, my 'Birth Story' went unheard, unacknowledged. I began to feel life held no hope at a time when I thought I should feel I had everything to live for.

Over the next few months I became hungry to hear about other women's birth experiences and to share mine with them. I began to really notice other mothers and wanted to hear about their reality - I wanted to know if they were struggling like me, or if they had got through a difficult time and managed to find a way through it.

This became my nourishment and lifeline, along with starting to paint and write again. My 'old Wild Self' was guiding me towards healing, and my training as an art therapist had taught me about the healing power of creativity. I have found that the spirit of art is always affirming, even when it deals with painful realities. The act of writing about the pain or making an image transforms that pain into something beautiful.

Several years ago, while attending a creative therapies course, I witnessed a woman's 'birth story' and the trauma associated with it. This was the first time that she had spoken about it in the 15 years since the birth of her child. In the telling of the story, and in having the grief and tears witnessed and acknowleged, she was able to let go of the heaviness that she had felt for so long.

Recently I found it an extremely rewarding and healing experience to talk about the birth of my baby with a close friend while showing her photographs taken just before and after giving birth. I have found that women need a space to tell their stories around birth and for the experience to be honoured in some way for the sacred act that bringing forth a new life is.

I have told some of my story because I want to hear from any women who would like to honour their 'Birth Stories' with other women and celebrate it through writing, storytelling and art.

It does not matter if you are not an artist or a writer, or if you gave birth last week or 15 years ago, you will have a story to tell that can be spoken, or written and painted in some way. All you need is a willingness and a committment to working creatively with the joy, pain, tears, wounds, scars, sweat and blood. And you will need to bring your 'old Wild Selves' too!

The group will consist of time to reconnect with the birth of your baby or babies and I would ask all interested to bring something along with them that reminds them of this time, such as an item of clothing or an object of significance. The emphasis of the 'Birth Stories' group will be on reconnecting with your baby's birth, and working creatively to celebrate the experience, no matter how terrible or wonderful it was.



Please get in touch.

If you are interested in joining the group, please phone Tracy on 01363 85274, or email: tracy@cloudcuckoo.freeserve.co.uk