Alternative Funerals

IT is possible to have a funeral that really means something to you and your friends and family - but you need to start thinking about it now, as celebrant Laura Conyngham explains.

IN my work I lead alternative weddings, commitments and baby namings, but it is funerals that I am passionate about. There are as many different ways of doing a funeral as there are people on this earth.

A funeral, as the final threshold of life, offers us a tremendous opportunity to celebrate, to be thankful, to remember and to mourn.

It isn't easy to imagine our own funeral. It is, however, a useful exercise. We can start by imagining the place; who might be there; what we might like them to say. We can think about the music, the readings. It would be good to be a fly on the wall. It might be a shame to miss it!

Through our imagination we are beginning to ensure that the different facets of our life are truthfully represented: the people, the places, the events, our triumphs, joys, and disappointments. All of this has influenced, and continues to influence, who we are now.

What about religion?
Many people wouldn't call themselves 'religious', and are not connected to any particular church. However, they would recognise a sense of spirituality, deep inside themselves, which may express itself through singing, dance, drama, art, gardening, walking and so on.

A person's life speaks its own truth. This, together with the grief, the thankfulness, and the coming to terms with it all, is for many the real focus.

Some people find the repetition of familiar words helpful. Others may find the ecclesiastical tones off-putting. There is freshness and conviction when a ceremony has been especially created. Prayers and religious or secular readings can be included. Family members can be as involved as they want to be. All this can take place in the space that feels right: at home, the village hall, the crematorium, cemetery, burial ground.

Environmental and ethical issues
While cremation is more common than burial, some people are concerned about the energy that this takes. Coffins need not be expensive and can be kind to the environment.

A time for shared memories
Some families find it helpful to meet at the house with the celebrant before the funeral to share memories in a focused way, or to hold a memory time around the grave at the burial.

Anniversary memorials
Anniversaries are often hard. An opportunity to share grief and good times with others, a year or many years later, can be very helpful.

Knowing your celebrant
Years ago, people found it reassuring to get to know their midwife before giving birth. Perhaps now, as you approach another threshold, you might like the opportunity to meet and talk about your life with a celebrant. You would have the chance to tell your own life story, to compile your favourite poems, readings, music, songs. You would know you are understood, and that this planning for your funeral ceremony is in good hands.

How I came to do this work
I was born in 1951 and my career so far has included teaching, counselling training and leading singing groups. In 1990 my son died of leukemia, aged 4. We held a Quaker funeral in the Boniface Centre, Crediton, and a burial in Crediton Cemetery. This work is my response, my way forward, the harvest of that experience. I work independently, with regular, monthly, professional supervision. My aim is to listen to how people want it and to do it their way.



Useful information
Book: The New Natural Death Handbook edited by Nicholas Albery and Stephanie Wienrich of the Natural Death Centre ISBN 0-7126-0576-2
Natural Burial Grounds in Devon:
Exwick - call John O'Callaghan on 01392 665704;
Seaton - call Mike Cane at E Devon District Council on 01395 517411;
South Molton - call Brian and Jeanne Nicholas on 01769 574512;
Templeton, Tiverton - call Catherine Hunt on 01884 256098.
Alternative Coffins:
Arka Ecopod - call 01273 746011, or visit www.ecopod.co.uk;
Bamboo Eco Coffin - call 01795 472262, or visit www.bamboocoffins.cjb.net;
Compakta Eco-Coffin - call 01455 828642, or visit www.eco-coffin.co.uk;
Earthsleeper - call 01363 83115, or visit www.earthsleeper.com;
Somerset willow coffins - call 01278 424003 or visit www.somersetwillow.co.uk
Woven willow chrysallis - call Gemma Nesbitt on 01308 485211.

Contact Laura Conyngham at 26 Old Tiverton Road, Crediton, Devon, EX17 1EG. Call 01363 773000, e-mail laurac@eclipse.co.uk, or visit www.alternativeceremonies.co.uk