Counselling - what is it?

SO just what is counselling - and how does it work? ANNE ASHTON explains...

PEOPLE often ask me, “Exactly what is counselling, and what does it achieve?” The short answer is that counselling is a method of enabling people to come to terms with the struggles in their lives and to feel happier and more content.

As a counsellor and someone who has been on the receiving end of counselling, I see that it offers many, many benefits.

The first time I experienced counselling was after the break up of an eight-year relationship. I had got over the immediate impact of grief and loss and I was asking myself ‘Why did I hang onto the relationship long after it was over?’ I knew I wasn’t happy but couldn't walk away. Being miserable and holding onto the hope that my partner might change towards me was preferable to being alone again.

The counselling provoked a roller-coaster journey of discovery. I learned more about myself and began to understand why I did the things I did. I kept a journal and enjoyed fascinating and vivid dreams. Often the process was painful and I wept despairingly, but this only opened the door to more clarity and freedom to express myself.

The second time I received counselling was a number of years later when I decided to completely change my lifestyle. Middle age was creeping up and I was in a rut. I enjoyed my life, but I felt that ‘there must be more than this’'. I wasn't doing what author Joseph Campbell recommends when he says you have to 'follow your bliss'.

I wanted to give up my security and daily routine to feel excited and challenged. This would mean giving up a well-paid career and leaving my home and friends.

However, I definitely didn't want to give up the life that I knew only to find that I was making a huge mistake and all for the wrong reasons. And so I looked for a counsellor who would help me to explore my intentions and goals.

I chose a counsellor in the same way that I would choose a good electrician or a solicitor - I was paying a professional to work for me. I looked for someone I could respect and someone who respected me. I expected an excellent service and I wasn't disappointed. On this occasion the counselling process was more sedate without the highs and lows, but it was equally as revealing.
The counsellor helped me to see what was driving me and what was getting in the way of me achieving my dreams.

He also supported me at a time when I was nursing a friend dying of cancer. We never know what is around the corner, and life has to be grasped before it passes us by. This experience brought home that reality.

People come to counselling for many reasons, but the common theme is that they are not happy with their present circumstances. Their feelings may range from despair and helplessness in response to a very difficult situation, or they may experience a general everyday malaise that says, ‘there’s something missing in my life’. Counselling can help us cope during those difficult periods in our lives when circumstances bring crisis or tragedy. It can see us through the dark hours and help us to devise a strategy for survival.

Counselling can also help us to confront our fears. It may be useful to explore whether our fears actually serve a useful purpose - or are they getting in the way of us living our lives in the way that we want to?

Most of us do not always believe that we are acceptable, worthwhile and loveable, and this limits us from expressing ourselves. Perhaps we were told otherwise during childhood, or perhaps we came to these conclusions ourselves. Counselling helps us to confront these erroneous beliefs and learn to appreciate ourselves. This benefits not only us, but those around us because when we are happier in ourselves we are more appreciative of others.

A good counsellor will listen with total attention to what we are expressing, both consciously and unconsciously. This is then reflected back to us without judgement or criticism. Gradually the strands of the situation become unknotted and we can see where we might want to make changes - with the help of the counsellor.

Counselling can be a dynamic and exciting process. It can also be a painful process during the times when we push up against our usual boundaries or limitations. Counselling can open us up so we become more at ease in the world, able to be ourselves with the freedom to say clearly how we feel and what we want.

Counselling can bring more joy and contentment into our lives leading to better relationships with others. We will feel more confident and empowered, able to move forward towards our goals and, ultimately, more able to fulfil our potential.

Good counselling is an investment for life.



WANT TO KNOW MORE?
Appointments with Anne Ashton are available at the Newton Abbot Healing Centre.
Call 01626 360622.