Counselling - giving men a voice

COUNSELLING can be a chance to let their issues be heard. Maderu Paxton explains...

IT is well understood that men are reluctant to take another man or woman into their confidence when crisis strikes. We hear stories of guys at the pub, alluding to difficulties with a partner, but keeping back the main issue. I understand this reticence, especially when there is no track record of being properly heard by anyone else. It is rare outside counselling circles to really ‘hear’ a man and his issues.

What does it mean to be truly heard? When ‘hearing’ happens, the space is held for the man to fully express his feelings, without judgement. I have observed that the wounds we carry can be made raw at a moment’s notice. We guys owe it to ourselves to at least recognise the wounds, and be able to step back before reacting in a hostile manner. Anger and outrage is perfectly understandable - it’s even a welcome release of feeling. But the knack is to step back and watch the drama instead of being a victim of it and possibly harming someone else (physically or emotionally) when we can’t contain it.

Now, we know what counselling can facilitate and how it can deal with crisis. But what about doing it for each other and ourselves?

Men’s groups are traditional and tribal through the ages. We are again ‘remembering’ the value, support, and friendship they can provide. The mature men’s group holds the space as in counselling, the difference being your peers are a witness to your issue, and hearing is intensified. Moreover, a fortnightly meeting keeps you in touch with one another, both emotionally and spiritually, allowing deep and enduring friendships to emerge.

The transition from counselling to men’s group would be facilitated by myself after a suitable period decided by the counselled man. I envisage this would take place in a period between three to six months.

Having been a founder member of two men’s groups, here in Devon and in Bristol, over the last 10 years, I can attest to their power and influence on my own life experience, and the enrichment they have bestowed. My desire now is to extend this ancient and traditional form of meeting for men locally, and throughout the UK.



WANT TO KNOW MORE?
IF you are interested in participating in a public or private meeting, call Maderu Paxtor on 01769 540585.